I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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