Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
