I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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