The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
