I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
