I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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