I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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