I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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