just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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