Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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