dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
