They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
