my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
