now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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