just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
