Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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