i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
