My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im part way to drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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