Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My ass is underappreciated
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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