I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
