THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
