just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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