Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
