I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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