you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
