I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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