And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
