I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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