we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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