Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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