I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
