Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
