Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
