Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
