My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
