Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
