I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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