he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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