Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
