I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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