Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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