another moral hangover. fuck.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
