can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
