And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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