billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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