New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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