and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
