I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
