this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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