My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
