did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
