I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
