Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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