Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
