remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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