not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
