Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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