Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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