I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
