Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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