Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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