i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
