operation have a gay friend backfired
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
