paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
