My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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