what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
