I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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