oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
