Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
