My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
