He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
