So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
