I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
