Nicole vs. Life
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
