Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
